Every year I do this and every year my calls and texts to the GM get blocked. I think Nick Caserio would rather eat carbohydrates than take my suggestions. Anyway, here's the first draft…
Round 1 (Pick 3) Kyle Hamilton, S, Notre Dame
The Jags take Evan Neal. And state laws in Michigan require Dan Campbell to grab Aiden Hutchinson. That sets up a chance to take a difference maker (you'll hear this term a lot leading up to the draft) in Hamilton. It also sends me reaching for references relating to the Broadway show Hamilton (I'll be singing on Texans All Access for sure!).
Round 1 (Pick 13) Anybody from Georgia
When you're looking to take a big leap forward defensively, 'Anybody from Georgia' is the way to go. You want run-stuffers? Anybody from Georgia! You want disrupters at or near the line of scrimmage? Anybody from Georgia! This is a no-brainer pick (If I must say a name – how about Jordan Davis?).
Round 2 Christian Watson, WR, North Dakota State
I always get my Dakotas mixed up. This is the one where Carson Wentz went. Despite the fact that his career hasn't gone great they still must be proud in (checks the map) Fargo that Wentz went there. Oh wait, Fargo? This could send me on a writing tangent on the movie. But I'll stick to the topic and tell you that Watson has sub 4.4 speed and he and another young Texan wide-out, both at 6-4, could be part of a really exciting group.
Round 3 (Pick 68) Alontae Taylor, CB, Tennessee
I love the checkered Volunteer end zones at Neyland Stadium. I'm always surprised they don't win more there with over 100,000 people and super cool end zones. I once covered a Fiesta Bowl with Penn State and The Vols and Johnny Majors was coaching Tennessee. Geez, I'm getting old. Anyway, Taylor runs like the wind, has good ball skills, being a former wide receiver, and he's got some size at six feet, 195. Next!
Round 3 (Pick 80) Jeremy Ruckert, TE, Ohio State
Ok THE Ohio State University. Feel better, Buckeye fans? I wonder if lesser-known Ohio University feels awful about the Buckeye band spelling Ohio with no 'State' on the field, when they dot the eye? Anyway, Ruckert can catch. And at 250+, is big enough to knock the snot out of some people. This should be fun to watch.
Round 4 (Pick 107) Hassan Haskins, RB, Michigan
It's Day 3 and it's time to take a ball carrier. This guy is physical with a capital P (wait, that doesn't sound good at all. Not my usual effective alliteration). At 6-1 220lbs, he's a hammer who racked up 1,237 yards, 4.9 per pop and a whopping 20 touchdowns last season. Sign me up for some of this! In fact, I might need to explore deleting my third-round picks and grabbing him there!
Round 4 (Pick 108) Daniel Faalele, OL, Minnesota
You know why it's so cold in Minneapolis? It's because Faalele blocks out the sun. He's 6-8+ and weighs more than my Hyundai. When they ask you if he plays guard or tackle, just say "yes." He's too good a talent and specimen to pass up here.
Round 5 [Trade two sixth-round picks and a sizable Academy gift card to move up] Keaontay Ingram, RB, USC
I don't like it when kids transfer out of state, like Ingram did to go to USC. But, hey, it's USC. This pick would bring him home. I know what you're thinking- why take two backs in this draft? Well, the running game could use a jolt. And fortifying through the draft brings in talent and serves notice to everyone to up their game. He averaged 5.8 yards per carry and gained 911 yards.
Round 6 [Trade the seventh-round pick and some Whataburger to move to a better spot] Carson Strong, QB, Nevada
Is it Nev-ah-da or Nev-aa-da? I swear I heard from locals it's the latter. Anyway -the Senior Bowl wasn't great for him, and that's why he's here, but last season's numbers are super solid with a completion rate of 70% and 36 TDs. He'll be picked to develop and be either insurance or tradable later on.