If you were hoping to read this new feature of mine and get some nitty-gritty football facts, you're about to be sorely disappointed. You'll get none of that here. What you will get, though, is all fun stuff that happens around NRG Stadium that miss the big headlines.
Ok, I lied. This first one made a few headlines.
Days Keeping A Secret: 2
Bill O'Brien tried. I thought it was fun while it lasted. On Monday, O'Brien said he'd rather not tell who the Week 2 starting quarterback would be. He had a good idea of who it was, which is totally the equivalent of "I know something you don't know."
Talk radio hosts all over the city begin hours of debate and rejoice over this new fodder. That lasted a solid 48 hours. Then it was over.
Thanks a lot, Ian Rapoport.
This week, Ryan Mallett was wearing a Toledo Football t-shirt. On the front of the shirt was also a piece of masking tape with a handwritten "#15." Obviously, this had something to do with the Hogs' 16-12 loss to Toledo over the weekend. Major props to rookie center Greg Mancz who 1) had the confidence in Toledo to make the bet and 2) insisted that Mallett wear the shirt on a Wednesday when he normally addresses the media. The masking tape was a nice touch.
When he was done talking, Mallett tore off his shirt, balled it up, and threw it at Mancz who was delighted. So was I.
I learned this week that if you ever ask a player for advice and don't like it, just ask someone else. They are consistently inconsistent.
On the Verizon Players show Tuesday morning, long snapper Jon Weeks talked about being friend-zoned by his wife Amanda (now an attorney on the Super Bowl 51 committee) for one-and-a-half years before they started dating. It was a feel-good story giving hope to friend-zoned men everywhere.
Later that night, we recounted the story to Duane Brown on his radio show. He said that one-and-a-half years was an extraordinary amount of time to remain in friend-zone purgatory.
His advice to the friend-zoned listeners?
Don't wait around. It's not happening. Move it along.
You're welcome, friend-zoned people everywhere. You probably didn't think it was possible to be more confused than you already were, did you?
I'll Have Fries with That**
Wide receiver Chandler Worthy was brought up from the practice squad to the active roster this week. The best part of stories like these is the ever-popular "What were you doing when you got the call?" question.
Chandler was eating lunch at a Pearland Steak 'n Shake. As a football player, you know he recounted exactly what he was eating at the time too. It was a burger and a shake.
Get in line for tickets**
Everyone from the Carolinas talked about all the friends and family coming to watch them on Sunday. Jadeveon Clowney said his whole paycheck was already gone fulfilling ticket requests. DeAndre Hopkins is pretty sure he needs a private room for dinner Saturday night.
"Separate checks," he said when asked who was paying the bill for all those people.
As the week progressed, the numbers got more and more out of hand. By Friday, Hop was convinced that Clowney and Johnathan Joseph have at least 100 people coming to the game, if not more, and may require their own section of the stadium.
King Is King
Clowney revealed his dog, King, is really sensitive and misses him while he's away. By sensitive, Jadeveon clarifies that means chewing all of his stuff or throwing up on it.
We gave Clowney a bunch of chew toys as a parting gift for being our guest on "Texans Late Night." In hindsight, I probably should have thrown in some doggie Pepto Bismol too for all the road games coming up.
Shameless plug time: "Texans Late Night" airs Saturday nights on ABC KTRK-13 after college football and the local news.
It's Friday so I'm packing up and leaving early. Don't anyone tell Rapoport.