Sometimes, there's a story within a story within a story.
Kind of like J.J. Watt's coffee mug.
This week, he instagrammed a picture of himself holding a mug with a picture of Jimmy Fallon holding a mug with Justin Timberlake holding a mug of Jimmy Fallon.
That's like my Week In Review. An Inception-like mug. Minus the mug and the pictures. And Fallon and Timberlake.
It's been a pretty down week in the locker room, as you can imagine with a 0-2 start. As the week went on though, everyone began looking forward and that's when some of the fun began.
Flannel muscle shirts**
While addressing the media Thursday, Jadeveon Clowney was wearing a plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off, sweatpants, and a hat that said, "Homestead Police Department."
It was an odd ensemble but Jay Scorcese, our senior video guy, told me to ask Clowney why he was wearing something so hideous. Just kidding. I'm paraphrasing. We may have called it ugly.
Turns out, it was a group effort. Vince Wilfork gave Clowney the hat and the shirt was Brian Cushing's. Clowney seemed to like it, in my opinion. No dare or anything. They just wanted him to dress like a lumberjack police officer and he obliged. Now that's a good teammate.
To Tweet or Not to Tweet?
Bill O'Brien showed up late to his Wednesday post-practice presser.
The head coach said he was late because he was getting the injury report for reporters, which is obviously a joke because he would NEVER do that. For those wondering, O'Brien's pet peeve is reporters asking him about injuries. He also dislikes being asked if he's "worried" about anything. He says nothing "worries" him. Oh, and he also doesn't like questions. (Kidding!)
Anyway, after the injury report joke, everyone chuckled. O'Brien then smoothly added that he didn't think Arian Foster would play this week.
Wait. Was that part of the joke?
Mass confusion ensued for the next few minutes as everyone tried to figure out where the joke ended and the press conference began...
Arian Foster's benefit sold out. He and some of his teammates will be servers at Morton's Steakhouse to benefit his foundation. Foster was asked who he thought would be the best at being a waiter.
"Me, for sure. I just deliver the plates well. I always have," Foster replied humbly.
However, Foster has never been a waiter. His mom was a waitress and he used to wash dishes. Not sure how this helps his waitstaff skills. Perhaps it's genetic.
Mama Foster is reading your mean tweets
Foster doesn't check Twitter but he still knows what people are saying thanks to his mom.
The All-Pro stays away from social media, especially lately as he works his way back to the field, but he admits his mom can't help herself.
"She reads my timeline. I don't even read it anymore. But she like goes - she's so nosey, she reads people that tweet me," he admitted.
What irks Mama Foster?
"There were people saying that I don't tip or something like that," Foster said. "She was like 'What is this?' I was like 'Mom, you know I tip.'"
Confessions of a rookie
Kevin Johnson opened up about lots of stuff on the Tuesday Verizon Players show this week on Texans Radio. Here are some highlights:
-The Wake Forest grad's second choice as a two-star recruit was J.J. Watt's alma mater. Johnson didn't choose Wisconsin because of the weather.
-The Hard Knocks crew filmed his early morning wakeup scene at 6 p.m. He channeled his inner Denzel Washington to shoot the scene, he said.
-The defensive backs have a weekly bowling night. They're seriously competitive about it too. Johnathan Joseph brings his own bowling ball. Side note, I really hope that Kareem Jackson has a pair of gold-studded Christian Louboutin bowling shoes. It's so K-Jack.
-Johnson loves fashion like his fellow DBs. The rookie can't compete with Kareem though. He's in another tax bracket, Johnson said.
-We are happy to learn that Johnson is no longer Uber-ing all over Houston. His car is arriving from Maryland soon.
This one time, in band camp…
Chris Polk rattled off like five cool phrases he's used over the years, besides "Bang, Bang, Chicken, and Shrimp."
You'll have to tune in Saturday night to find out what they are. He's this week's guest on "Texans Late Night" (Saturday nights on KTRK-13 after the late local news. End of shameless plug).
Here's something I never knew about Polk. Like the other backs who play an instrument (Foster and Jonathan Grimes both play piano), Polk also has a musical talent. He used to play the trumpet in…wait for it… Advanced Band.
Grab your mugs and let your chicken and shrimp marinate on that for a while.